No 'Bright' future for Smith film

That old Hollywood standby, the venerable buddy cop movie, may have met its anguished demise this holiday season. Will Smith just killed it.

Virtually every permutation of the genre has been done. We’ve seen black cops teamed up with white cops, black cops with black cops, white cops and other white cops, a white cop and a Latino cop, an Irish cop with a Yank cop, two women cops, and human cops with dog cops.

The latest: A human cop teamed up with an Orc, along with Elves, Fairies and at least one Centaur. Even with Smith being at his most charming, “Bright” is a mess. Screenwriter Max Landis appears to have thrown every cop film cliche into the movie. 

This film is what happens when Harry Potter throws up on “Training Day,” “16 Blocks,” “The Wire,” “48 Hours” and “Police Academy.”

It opens in an alternate reality of South Central Los Angeles, a gritty, graffiti-covered, gang-infested patrol area that includes Orcs in thick gold chains and sweatsuits drinking liquor in front of burning barrels and listening to rap. Elves, on the other hand, seem to be prissy, elitist and vapid. They live in Elftown.

Smith’s Officer Ward has just returned to the job after being shot and is assigned to reunite with his rookie partner, Nick Jakoby, the first Orc to serve with the LAPD. Jakoby is played by Joel Edgerton and he is made to look like a hunk of Roquefort cheese rotting on an August afternoon.

Because Orcs have in the past been horrible to humans, Jakoby faces bitter resentment from fellow officers, who call him a “diversity hire.” He also is hated by his own kind, who consider him a turncoat. So we are left to wonder if he’s a cop first or an Orc first.

It’s a tough spot to be in, made worse because nobody likes the police. Why does Ward stay on the job? You guessed it‚ he’s five years from his pension. 

At this point, the film might have explored racism and systemic profiling by having different otherworldly species represent whites, black, Latinos and Asians. But that’s not “Bright”. Instead, the film doubles down on the fantasy, embarking on a city-wide nonsensical search for a rare magic wand. Cue the car chases, over-the-top gang members, throat slitting, martial arts moves, torture and gas station explosions. 

This alternate Los Angeles reality may have Uber, former “Fear Factor” host Joe Rogan, Toyota Corollas and topless bars, but it also has a dark prophecy, renegade Elves, a Magic Task Force and a powerful wand. 

“This is like a nuclear weapon that grants wishes,” we are told. Only a Bright‚ a person with supernatural abilities‚ can use it correctly. They might not even know they are a Bright. 

David Ayer is the director and he’s had a role in other buddy cop films, helming “End of Watch” and writing “Training Day.” This, though, is a labored affair with little stylistic coherence. The scenes fit poorly together and the humor is forced. Though it’s supposed to span a day and night, it rains whenever the film needs that “Blade Runner” brooding wet darkness, a manipulative touch.

There’s not an original idea in the film, with the possible exception of a foosball table being used to try to kill an Elf. But the soundtrack seems nice, with songs by Logic, Meek Mill, alt-J, Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Camila Cabello, Portugal, The Man and A$AP Rocky. 

Things go seriously off the rails as the film lurches to its conclusion. Smith seems to know how bad the film is so he agrees to have his face hit repeatedly, leaving it puffy and bloody. Perhaps he hopes no one can recognize him anymore. 

But there’s no escaping the truth. This film makes his misfire “Wild Wild West” looks like “The Godfather.”