Saying no to the willing mute: Why it's never too late to learn Mandarin

Two years. That was the lie I told. Instantly a wave of shame, spiked with the hedonistic kick of getting away with something, lapped over me.

You know you’ve got a problem when you start lying to Didi drivers about how long you’ve been in the country. I’m fast on my way to wheeling a small suitcase around for that “just landed look.” Truth is, I’ve been in China for nine years. And I’ve become one of those people I used to judge. You know the type. Brits abroad, fluffy on the inside with a crispy exterior. Has lived in Alicante for 25 years but doesn’t speak Spanish.

Like many, I came to China with good intentions. A brief stint of Mandarin lessons helped lay the foundations of basic conversation. But somewhere between feeling foolish and relying on English-speaking Chinese colleagues, I got lazy. And I’m not the only one. An estimated 73 percent of expatriates living in China barely speak Chinese, and only 8 percent have a basic grasp of the language. What’s more, Shanghai is the most popular city in China for expatriates, making ours a city of willing mutes.

Advancements in technology have made it easier than ever to keep schtum. But technology is a double-edged sword, one we’re all too quick to fall on. Agreed, having a pocket translator is indispensable, especially for short trips abroad or when living in a multicultural hub like Shanghai. Even so, there’s only so far an app will get you. No doubt you’ll have one. Sitting seductively on our home screens, they whisper, “Don’t tell them, tell me. It’s better for everyone that way.” Keep it simple, and a pocket translator works. But since when has life been simple?

Recently I received a message from my ayi saying she’d be late for work. According to WeChat translate, this was due to her “being driven by a lesbian.” Days before, I’d taken great delight in reading a study to my husband that confirmed women are better drivers than men. So while baffled by the ayi’s revelation, I was pleased she was in safe hands.

Courtesy of That’s Mandarin

Here’s the thing. As amusing as these communication breakdowns can be, they’re no substitute for the innate joy of human connection. And at the heart of connection? Language. The commitment to learn a foreign language shows a willingness to understand another culture, its people and their quirks.

Poet and translator Michael Hofmann argues that to speak one language is akin to caging ourselves in the linguistic and cultural bubble we were born. He writes: “If you don’t have another language, you are condemned to occupy the same positions, the same phrases all your life.”

Put differently, to learn other languages is to open yourself up.

For me, Chinese lessons resumed last week with That’s Mandarin. And yes, the initial phase of learning a language is tough. Damn right humiliating at times.

But for every cultural misunderstanding, every conversation you couldn’t have, and every English-speaking waiter you relied on, the payoff will quite literally, speak for itself.

Writing this I discovered that “imperfect” is a synonym for “human.” And while I’m not looking for perfect interactions, I am looking for human ones. So if you do see me out and about in Shanghai, come say “Nǐ hǎo.”